Why write?
My friend Trang gave me the advice of the decade: no one gives a fuck about how anyone else looks before they spend way too much time looking at themselves. As someone who has spent far too much time trying to impress strangers on the internet, it has taken me far too long to accept this fact and close the app.
It’s possible that you’ve noticed me being less active on Instagram ; equally as likely may you have literally not noticed a thing. I hate those ‘taking a break from social media’ posts, because you can bet that those people are waiting to bust their ego bubble when they finally come back to a backlog of likes and interactions. When I decided to break from my regular posting schedule, I figured that the last thing I should do is call attention to it. It’s not like Instagram is lacking in content, both the good and the mediocre.
Photography has been less of a priority this year, and I wish that the reason was more interesting. Part of the reason is that photography and Instagram go hand in hand in awful ways. Part of the reason is that I started a masters program that has consumed about 85% of my waking hours. Maybe the biggest reason is that I enjoy Youtube and drinking and non-productive habits as much as the next person.
On several occasions, I have told myself that the waning hours spent on photography have been redirected into writing. This is partly true, as writing has given me immense satisfaction and personal reflection over the past few months. The way I see it, however, is that I am wildly overdue in posting my writing in the effort of improving the craft and the thoughts behind it.
To that end, this is my effort to not be as fake as you’ve seen on Instagram. Partly because of the time saved and partly from the ongoing self-doubt that I’d like to mitigate before I go crazy and buy a Ferrari that I can’t afford. This blog will contain first drafts and scattered thoughts that I’ve been meaning to share with the people that I care about, but tell myself that I am too busy to make time for.
The purpose of this blog is not to preach as much as reassure people that we are all fucking going through it right now. Too many times have I been accused of having my shit together at this age, and I remember that I have done the same thing to every type of person around me. From med students to aspiring artists, we’re all working on something while holding a weird comparison machine in our pocket/purse. If we’re all struggling in the same way, it’s about time that we act like it instead of posting about our vacations.
I have no idea if you will care about the thoughts I have about the world. I have many thoughts from my many identities: second-generation Chinese-canadian, scholarly grad student, spoiled younger brother, etc. Each one contributes to my blind spots as much as my moments of shared collaboration. But if this can come to help one person deal with that self-critical narrative in their head, it is worth forgoing my desire to impress and look like hot shit.
Thank you for sticking around. Stay in touch.
-J